This summer so far

I have gone to playoncon and RTX and I have bee working. I so desperately want to write again but I have no time. I need to fix my Ezio cosplay some and work on getting my stuff together for school considering I transferred home. I am going to miss UAB but I need to graduate on time. I am going to Disney World next weekend and then I will be home. Once I am home I will try and write some and work on my youtube/twitch stuff. Check out my second blog tumblr.chameleonhidden.com

Sketch Ass People Near My House

There are some skater kids who are just skating in the street outside of my house and hanging under the street light. I shouldn’t judge but it is almost 2am. Please go home. I am nervous something might actually happen. Also I think I figured out why there is broken glass in the street all the time. I am normally home before 1am so I have no idea if this is a daily thing.

Crushing

                I felt oddly alone, nothing around to make a noise or to disturb the peace I had at this moment.  I like being alone, I feel comfortable here.  All alone until you appeared just far enough to be barely visible.

                I recognized the way you stand waiting for the bus.  Just across the way, standing at the corner with so many other people.  I don’t recognize their faces but your face is actually all I see. I want to just blab what I really feel, just let you finally know.  You glace back at me with beautiful hazel eyes, just inviting me to come closer, just to stand next to you.  The rush of the city was silent all around as you are my only concentration.

                I walked towards you but the distance didn’t change and everyone turned and looked at me.  All of the blank stares focused all on me.  All of their eyes letting me know that you don’t want me to come near as I pick up my speed.  My self esteem is hurting even more as I curl up on the ground and cry until there are no more tears.

                I jolted awake in a pool on my own tears and I cried over you.  My self esteem is at rock bottom as I can’t find a way to bring myself out of this pain.  I can’t help but want to finally work up to talking to you.

This for my A4MAce’s Edward Kenway cosplay. I spent some time painting for that the gun looked better.  Getting closer to PlayOnCon.

Gaming blog

There won’t be much posted there other than stream updates and new youtube videos but the blog is http://chameleonhidden.tumblr.com/. Go follow it.

Why can’t I sleep at a normal hour?

Why are people so scared of storms here? It doesn’t matter if there were bad storms last year, that doesn’t mean it will happen this year. 

Cosplay

I am still working on my assassins cosplay with flowercrowncosplayer but next year I wan to make a big sister cosplay. You want to do bioshock next?

Leaving UAB?

I have decided that it might be time for me to leave UAB and move to another school where I might not struggle to keep my grades up. I guess I need to decide soon, and maybe withdraw for the rest of the semester.

Yesterday I was feeling less than great and I took some time and thought it all through and felt way better. I was holding on to stress for no reason. Today I feel amazing and I am so happy even if I have class and work.

Poem - Seams

There is peace on my mind

There is peace missing from my soul

There is depression taking over like a virus

Turing all the good to bad and the life to death

Sew it all back together with something new

Cover up all the darkness and let me go

Let me fall into the dark again and watch me drown

Faking the happiness that I need once again

The thread is falling apart and fraying at the ends

I am falling apart at the seams

Cosplay

So I am cosplaying this summer for (hopefully!) PlayOnCon here in Birmingham as Ezio from Assassin’s creed. I am looking up so much stuff and I think this will be a lot of fun. Anyone got any advice?

Birthday

Today is my birthday and everyone is wishing me a happy birthday and I like it but I wish it was just a normal day. It is a Tuesday, not much you can do for a 21st birthday on a Tuesday.

Putting this out here

It doesn’t matter what other people is beautiful as long as you believe you are. It bothers me when people say that we need to redefine beautiful. Here is a definition:

1
:  the quality or aggregate of qualities in a person or thing that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit :  loveliness
Why do we need to change that. Every person likes something different. I like having my hair short and having it be different color.  I love my tattoos and I think they add to who I am and explain something about me even if you have to ask. I think it looks beautiful on me. If someone else thinks it doesn’t, it isn’t my fault. They have something else that give pleasures to their sense. Every person is beautiful in their own way. Some people can express it others not so much. Some people can use their words to make you feel beautiful but they can use them to tear you down. There comes to a point that the only person who can tell you that you are not beautiful is yourself. When you look in the mirror and it makes you the happiest and you see the beauty radiate from yourself and from within, then everyone else can go away and take their hate with them.  There is no point to making everyone see the same beauty, we would all be striving for the same thing (mainstream wise) and some one else would still be doing something that is extreme. 
I guess it can sound bad but everyday when I don’t feel beautiful I look in the mirror and say that I am the best I can be and if you don’t like it stuck it. I am beautiful in my own way and today that might be my words. I am the best thing in the world today. I am perfect.
I can tell you that no matter what others like surround yourself with people think you are beautiful and don’t want you to change but if you need it. Allow yourself the freedom to choose what you want. Let no one tell you that you are not beautiful the way you are.

Just throwing this out there before I go to bed

I think everyone should be a feminist. I fully believe that men and women should be equal and some who does not, hurts me and themselves because they are letting power control their lives. I feel that their should be equality among the sexes and then we can work on racial equality.  Sex equality can be done any where by any one and everyone understands what it is like to be a women or a man. Any questions ask?