I am missing UAB, it will always be my home. I know I made the right adult decision by coming home but I don’t like it. I have been through one week of school and I don’t know how much I am going to like it at AUM. It is nothing like UAB but the classes are smaller which is nice. I am going to try my best to make the best of what I need to get done. I am just ready for college to be over and a job to be started. I am working at camp chandler this fall which will be a lot of fun and I am excited to start there.
I am not really ready for this school year to start. New school and having to make new friends. I am living back home with my parents and I am not sure how I really feel about this. I am not dreading school but I am also not ready for it. I am a second year junior probably about to be a senior and I am ready to gradate. I am hoping I will make this through without any struggle.
I have gone to playoncon and RTX and I have bee working. I so desperately want to write again but I have no time. I need to fix my Ezio cosplay some and work on getting my stuff together for school considering I transferred home. I am going to miss UAB but I need to graduate on time. I am going to Disney World next weekend and then I will be home. Once I am home I will try and write some and work on my youtube/twitch stuff. Check out my second blog tumblr.chameleonhidden.com
There are some skater kids who are just skating in the street outside of my house and hanging under the street light. I shouldn’t judge but it is almost 2am. Please go home. I am nervous something might actually happen. Also I think I figured out why there is broken glass in the street all the time. I am normally home before 1am so I have no idea if this is a daily thing.
I felt oddly alone, nothing around to make a noise or to disturb the peace I had at this moment. I like being alone, I feel comfortable here. All alone until you appeared just far enough to be barely visible.
I recognized the way you stand waiting for the bus. Just across the way, standing at the corner with so many other people. I don’t recognize their faces but your face is actually all I see. I want to just blab what I really feel, just let you finally know. You glace back at me with beautiful hazel eyes, just inviting me to come closer, just to stand next to you. The rush of the city was silent all around as you are my only concentration.
I walked towards you but the distance didn’t change and everyone turned and looked at me. All of the blank stares focused all on me. All of their eyes letting me know that you don’t want me to come near as I pick up my speed. My self esteem is hurting even more as I curl up on the ground and cry until there are no more tears.
I jolted awake in a pool on my own tears and I cried over you. My self esteem is at rock bottom as I can’t find a way to bring myself out of this pain. I can’t help but want to finally work up to talking to you.
There won’t be much posted there other than stream updates and new youtube videos but the blog is http://chameleonhidden.tumblr.com/. Go follow it.
Why can’t I sleep at a normal hour?
Why are people so scared of storms here? It doesn’t matter if there were bad storms last year, that doesn’t mean it will happen this year.
I am still working on my assassins cosplay with flowercrowncosplayer but next year I wan to make a big sister cosplay. You want to do bioshock next?
I have decided that it might be time for me to leave UAB and move to another school where I might not struggle to keep my grades up. I guess I need to decide soon, and maybe withdraw for the rest of the semester.
Yesterday I was feeling less than great and I took some time and thought it all through and felt way better. I was holding on to stress for no reason. Today I feel amazing and I am so happy even if I have class and work.
There is peace on my mind
There is peace missing from my soul
There is depression taking over like a virus
Turing all the good to bad and the life to death
Sew it all back together with something new
Cover up all the darkness and let me go
Let me fall into the dark again and watch me drown
Faking the happiness that I need once again
The thread is falling apart and fraying at the ends
I am falling apart at the seams
So I am cosplaying this summer for (hopefully!) PlayOnCon here in Birmingham as Ezio from Assassin’s creed. I am looking up so much stuff and I think this will be a lot of fun. Anyone got any advice?
Today is my birthday and everyone is wishing me a happy birthday and I like it but I wish it was just a normal day. It is a Tuesday, not much you can do for a 21st birthday on a Tuesday.