I feel hurt. I feel used. I feel taken advantage of. I feel like you could have been honest. I am doing better now.
School, work, and youtube has taken up all my time. I am sorry I haven’t posted that many pieces of writing on here. Balloons was off the top of my head and I wanted to share. Want to see what I have been working on check here: http://chameleonhidden.tumblr.com/.
As light as a balloon on a windless day.
I float to greet the sun,
I float to greet the world.
Don’t tie me down to a chair or wrist.
I am as playful as a toddler,
As slow as your grandma,
As see through as a ghost.
Don’t judge me for the things that I am
Judge me on what’s inside.
Hopefully I float.
I might be out of line but why are people getting married so young? I don’t understand why so many people my age (early twenties) are getting married. What is the point? You have a whole life ahead of you to be young and fall in love. You might be in love now but why get married? What happens when you move in together and it isn’t the same or it is six years down the road and this relationship is falling apart? Divorce? Make it work? Give your relationship time to grow, go through as much as you can without the piece of paper that says you are married. That paper is the only thing that says you are married. What is marriage? Declaring your love? It shouldn’t be. You should always show that you love your significant other, through your actions and words. You can grow together and learn together for a long time before you get married. Marriage shouldn’t be the access point that you have to go through to have sex or to live together or too “truly” start loving each other. Marriage should be the one thing that you do when you know that this relationship will last and it is the one that you can support each other, both emotionally and physically, and one that you know that no little fight will tear you apart all relationships have fights, it depends on how you treat it and how everyone acts to how it ends up playing out. It might be my northern culture in the south that is saying that I don’t need to get married until I can support myself and I can take care of myself before I add another person to the equation. This doesn’t mean don’t date or live with someone. This means look after you before others, not selfishly. Maybe I am weird and I just don’t get it. I have never really thought about getting married, I don’t want kids, and I just want to be happy. I might not ever understand.
The way soft serve chocolate ice cream is made:
You get a chocolate cow and keep it in a freezer. You then proceed to shove sugar in its mouth. Once the sugar is processed, you shake the cow rapidly. You then milk the cow and get soft serve chocolate ice cream.
I am missing UAB, it will always be my home. I know I made the right adult decision by coming home but I don’t like it. I have been through one week of school and I don’t know how much I am going to like it at AUM. It is nothing like UAB but the classes are smaller which is nice. I am going to try my best to make the best of what I need to get done. I am just ready for college to be over and a job to be started. I am working at camp chandler this fall which will be a lot of fun and I am excited to start there.
I am not really ready for this school year to start. New school and having to make new friends. I am living back home with my parents and I am not sure how I really feel about this. I am not dreading school but I am also not ready for it. I am a second year junior probably about to be a senior and I am ready to gradate. I am hoping I will make this through without any struggle.
I have gone to playoncon and RTX and I have bee working. I so desperately want to write again but I have no time. I need to fix my Ezio cosplay some and work on getting my stuff together for school considering I transferred home. I am going to miss UAB but I need to graduate on time. I am going to Disney World next weekend and then I will be home. Once I am home I will try and write some and work on my youtube/twitch stuff. Check out my second blog tumblr.chameleonhidden.com
There are some skater kids who are just skating in the street outside of my house and hanging under the street light. I shouldn’t judge but it is almost 2am. Please go home. I am nervous something might actually happen. Also I think I figured out why there is broken glass in the street all the time. I am normally home before 1am so I have no idea if this is a daily thing.
I felt oddly alone, nothing around to make a noise or to disturb the peace I had at this moment. I like being alone, I feel comfortable here. All alone until you appeared just far enough to be barely visible.
I recognized the way you stand waiting for the bus. Just across the way, standing at the corner with so many other people. I don’t recognize their faces but your face is actually all I see. I want to just blab what I really feel, just let you finally know. You glace back at me with beautiful hazel eyes, just inviting me to come closer, just to stand next to you. The rush of the city was silent all around as you are my only concentration.
I walked towards you but the distance didn’t change and everyone turned and looked at me. All of the blank stares focused all on me. All of their eyes letting me know that you don’t want me to come near as I pick up my speed. My self esteem is hurting even more as I curl up on the ground and cry until there are no more tears.
I jolted awake in a pool on my own tears and I cried over you. My self esteem is at rock bottom as I can’t find a way to bring myself out of this pain. I can’t help but want to finally work up to talking to you.
There won’t be much posted there other than stream updates and new youtube videos but the blog is http://chameleonhidden.tumblr.com/. Go follow it.
Why can’t I sleep at a normal hour?
Why are people so scared of storms here? It doesn’t matter if there were bad storms last year, that doesn’t mean it will happen this year.